3 办公室的礼仪 四(doc)
3. Everyday Etiquette for Office Life Much of our everyday conversation is ritual1. We repeatedly ask others how they are doing without any expectation that they will take us literally and give a full account of their recent medical history. We say and hear things in a mindless fashion, because what's really important is that our words serve as a social lubricant2. What we say is far less important than the fact that we are still talking to one another. An American expert says that while we often exchange significant content messages about the work we do, “ the meat of the work that has to be done is held together, made pleasant and possible, by the ketchup3, relish4, and bun5 of conversational rituals” . When a ritual is recognized, both parties know not to6 take the words literally. Problems arise, however, when coworkers use different rituals and fail to recognize the appropriate category of talk. One example is the ritual use of the words “ I'm sorry.” 　　The British are well known for saying“ sorry.” They say it to each other perhaps 20 or 30 times a day. When a London sidewalk is crowded and people inadvertently7 bump8 each other, a near chorus9 of “ sorry” can be heard. Its function is merely one of the maintaining a sense of decency10 while being jostled11 about on a busy street. In America, saying “ I'm sorry” can easily be misunderstood, especially in the world of work where most of the jostling has to do with images and status. To be successful in business, women have been frequently advised to avoid apologizing and other forms of so called “ powerless speech.” Softening criticism with praise, thanking people for routine services, and asking others for opinions instead of asserting12 your own are forms of speech often seen as submissive13. They are also behaviors that women tend to engage in more than men. Misunderstandings often occur because men fail to recognize them as ritualistic, and women do not realize that men will take them literally. 　　Women tend to use compliments and give praise at work much more than men do at work, but are reluctant to criticize directly. Men, on the other hand, like their criticism straight and tend to keep quiet when someone is doing a good job. The result: men often miss the indirect criticisms given by women and women feel ignored or taken for granted because they are seldom told if they are doing a good job. Another ritual difference is the kind of small talk14 used as conversational filler. Women, according to experts' observation, often complain about problems in relationships as a way of showing that they are on equal footing15 (neither is perfect). If taken literally, this kind of talk can be interpreted as chronic16 complaining. Equally confusing to some women is the ritual sports talk banter17 engaged in by most men, and increasingly by many women. 　　While there are gender differences in conversational style and ritual use of language, the important point is that taking ritualistic language literally can lead to problematic18 perceptions19 of others. Since we tend to20 be unaware of many of the ways that we ourselves use language ritually, it should not surprise us when we interpret21 the rituals of others in a literal fashion. 办公室的日常礼仪 我们日常的交谈内容大多是礼节性的。我们反复问候他人并不意味要他们当真应答或 详述其近来的病历。我们之所以不假思索地说着或听着那些客套话，是因为其真正的重 要性在于我们的这些客套话在社会交往中可起润滑作用。我们所讲的内容并不重要，重 要的是我们在与另一个人交谈。一位美国专家说，虽然我们经常交换与所做工作密切相 关的重要信息，“要做的主要工作(像肉一样)是经过交谈中的各种礼节(像蕃茄酱、调味 品和甜面包那样)所起的调剂作用而集中起来，做得愉快并做成功的。当某种礼节得到承 认时，交谈双方便知道不该从字面上去理解所讲的话。然而，当同事之间使用不同的礼 节，并没能认出谈话恰当的种类时，就会出问题。其中的一个例子便是礼节性地说声“对 不起”。 　　英国人以爱说“对不起”而闻名。他们一天也许彼此要说二、三十次“对不起”。当伦 敦的一条人行道上挤满了人，人们又不小心撞到彼此时，可以听到几乎异口同声地说“对 不起”。其功能不过是在人群熙攘的大街上被挤时保持一种合乎礼仪的感觉。但在美国， 说“对不起”容易引起误解，特别是在工作领域——其间大部分的推撞与形象和地位有关。 要想在商界成功，女性经常被忠告要避免使用道歉和其他所谓“无力的言语”的表达法。 带有称赞的缓和的批评，为日常应尽的服务而感谢别人，征求他人意见而不直抒己见， 这些都常被看作是顺从的语言表达法。它们也是女性比男性更容易作出的行为。于是种 种误解时常出现，因为男性没有听出那些表达是礼节性的，而女性也没有意识到男性是 照字面意思去理解的。 　　女性在工作中比男性更常恭维人，赞扬人，但不愿直截了当地批评他人。相反，男 性更喜欢直接说出批评意见，而某人工作干得不错时倒往往保持沉默。其结果是：男性 常常没能听出女同事提出的间接批评，而女性则感到不受重视或被视为无足轻重，因为 即使她们工作做得不错也很少有人告诉她们。另一礼节上的不同是用来填补交谈内容的 闲谈。女性，根据专家们观察，经常抱怨工作关系中的问题以表示她们是处于平等地位 的（谁也不完美）。如果按字面意思去理解，这种闲谈会被视为习惯性抱怨。同样让一 些女性困惑的是那么多男性，以及越来越多的女性谈论体育新闻的礼节性玩笑。 　　性别差异的确存在于交谈方式和语言使用的礼节性方式中，但重要的是如果从字面 上去理解礼节性语言会导致对他人的错误判断。因为我们往往没有意识到我们自己礼节 性地使用语言的诸多方式，我们从字面上去理解他人的客套话便不足为奇了。 1.ritual[5ριτφυΕλ]adj.礼节性的 2.lubricant[5λυ:βρικΕντ]n.润滑剂 3.ketchup[5κετΦΕπ]n.=catchup调味番茄酱 4.relish[5ρελιΦ]n.调味品 5.bun[βΘν]n.小圆(果子)面包，小圆糕点 6.knownottodosth.知道不该做某事 7.inadvertently[7ινΕδ5πΕ:τΕντ((]adv.非故意地，不小心地 8.bump[βΘμπ]vt.碰，撞 9.chorus[5κΧ:ρΕσ]n.齐声，异口同声 10.decency[5δι:σνσι]n.合乎礼仪，体面 11.jostle[5δ
3 办公室的礼仪 四(doc)